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Ask Pr. Sophie
Abstract: Ole's lesson in diversity.
Pr. Sophie Fortresson, our resident expert on all matters of theology, Lutheran etiquette, and social protocol, answers questions submitted by our readers and occasionally simply volunteers advice when no question has been asked. Send your questions to pr_sophie@lutheranconfessions.com.
Dear Pr. Sophie: At a recent social occasion I was introduced to a young man named "Sven". He did not look Swedish (or even Scandinavian) to me, so I said "Funny, you don't look Swedish."
"I'm not," he replied, "I'm African-American. My parents had a weird sense of humor."
Well, I wasn't too sure he looked African-American either, but I got the feeling that maybe I'd said something wrong, and the conversation sort of died right there.
Now where I live, I don't meet many Swedes or African Americans, or people named "Sven," and in general around here, people look like what they are and have the names you'd expect them to have. I like to think that I can talk to just about anyone, but it seemed to me that Sven took offense at something I said, and I'm not sure why. Can you give me any advice about this? Thanks, Ole Olesson
Dear Ole: Pr. Sophie is genuinely touched by your predicament and she thanks you for writing. Not everyone is comfortable seeking advice about such situations.
First, purely as a matter of form, it has been Pr. Sophie's experience that sentences beginning with the phrase "Funny, you don't look..." are not a useful conversational tool. This phrase says that the person you're speaking with does not meet your expectations and that perhaps you're a little anxious about that.
Pr. Sophie suggests you reply with something less likely to alienate, like "How did you come to be named 'Sven'?"
Beyond simple phrases that it would be helpful to avoid, however, Pr. Sophie believes you've had your first lesson in diversity and it does not seem to have been too painful an experience.
A common misconception is that diversity cannot be appreciated by people who have no experience of it. This is not exactly true. Simply being in the presence of people whose lifestyle or culture differs from yours doesn't guarantee that you will perceive them accurately. It's appallingly easy for any of us to develop an idea about how other people "ought" to be and then to use that stereotype to avoid seeing those other people as they are. The important thing is to keep your own ideas (about Swedes or African Americans or people named "Sven") from obscuring the real people in front of you. This is not an easy thing to do, but Pr. Sophie believes you've made a good start by recognizing Sven's reaction.
